he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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