my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
