There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
