I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
