need another drink. this is the easiest way
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
