you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
