dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
