Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
