Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
