Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
