So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
