I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
