that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
