Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize