These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
