Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
