Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize