I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize