i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
