they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
