I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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