omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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