Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
