Just cropdusted the office
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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