I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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