Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
