Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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