Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
