lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
