my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
