singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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