Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this will be a night to untag.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
