Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
