Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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