He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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