I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
