When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will be naked everywhere
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
