No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
