Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
