he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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