did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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