But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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