You're so nebulous sometimes
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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