i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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