Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
