I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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