why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
