Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
