You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize