If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
