We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
