I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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