I'm so fucking centered right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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