We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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