Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
