Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
