My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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