Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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