Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize