don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
