areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
