im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
