Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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