So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
