"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
