so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
