It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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