You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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