Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
high people should be assigned attendants
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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