honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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