Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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