u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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