some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
