There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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