it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
