Need sex. Gaining weight.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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