I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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