shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Houston, we have a squirter
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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