Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
