if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
